I love black women.
Let me be honest, I love black women and I have no problem saying it. This does not mean that I don’t appreciate Caucasian or Asian women, either. It does not mean that I will discriminate. What it DOES mean is that throughout the trials, tribulations, and whatnot that I may go through with a black woman, I still love them. I was raised by one. I have a twin sister and a daughter. I am dating a black woman. My love for black women is undying.
But can I say the same for other black men? Astoundingly, yes I can. But, the problem is that so many have been blinded by “lack of black love” that they make their disparaging remarks in public or “in music” [1]. Many black women feel slighted by this. Others may “protest”. In turn, there are a few of us that make our situation hard.
My chocolate covered lie? Cool, let us get into it: black men don’t want black women anymore.
Kevin Hart was joking. I don’t know about these other fools.
Are we all ready for this journey? Because you know I am.
Why This Issue?
I picked this issue because it is important to our race. We are one (if not the only) race that has internal male/female relationship issues. So much is given to our race due to our “divide and conquer” attitudes as of late [2]. Even the media has helped us along the way with the discrepancy. This issue is important because so many are lost on whether or not we, as a people, have these issues with each other.
The Stereotypes
I noticed some artwork by Philadelphia based artist Alex L on Facebook. The work breaks down some aspects that men find troubling:
1.) Our women don’t support our men: I can’t even say this with a straight face. Our women probably OVERSUPPORT our men (in certain cases). Some of it happens to the point of nausea. Yes, there are quite a few women that don’t. Then there are others that are “tired of it” and need us to “step it up” [3]. Whichever side of the spectrum one may reside, I’m not buying into the “our black women don’t care about us” idea. I refuse to. It just isn’t true.
This isn’t always the truth. Just saying.
2.) Black men getting with white women due to lack of choice: First of all, you seriously have to be “lame” or “living in the wrong area” to lack choice in women. Some actually enjoy their partners regardless of color. There are some that do it “because they are tired of black women”, but women are women. They will nag, be combative, or mean regardless of race. Plus, many interracial relationships have a smaller rate of becoming marriages than same race dating [4]. So, take it as it is: even interracial relationships aren’t guaranteed to work.
3.) Many black women are “too independent” and “self-serving”: Plenty are. And plenty are not. Please don’t believe the hype of our black women not loving themselves. There are increases in women going back to natural hair styles and holistic living [5]. Also, there are plenty of women in touch with their heritage. I know a lot of women that can cook and are submissive to their men.Oh, and trust me: plenty of women cannot STAND the “Nicki Minaj clones” that run around here. Just the truth.
The Skinny
Black men, please love your black women. If you do, please act like it. We can’t keep going around as if our women aren’t good enough or they don’t love us. They do. Sometimes, they are just frustrated by us. Or, they are purely misled. Whichever way it goes, it we want to mend this situation we need to start being realistic. Truth be told, there is nothing like Black Love anyway.
‘Nuff said and ‘Nuff respect!
Kathy Johnson
July 31, 2012 at 9:38 am
Well said
darcwonn1906
July 31, 2012 at 9:58 am
Thanks!
Jacquez M.
July 31, 2012 at 10:40 am
I like when you said “They will nag, be combative, or mean regardless of race”…aint that da damn truth….lbvfs
darcwonn1906
July 31, 2012 at 10:45 am
But many think that just because she is “black” that she is automatically “nagging and combative”. Latin women can be that way. White women can get in your arse if you let them. Race is not an issue with femininity and female reactions. Nagging comes from being nagging. Period.
Courtneysade
July 31, 2012 at 11:17 am
As always great read. I love how u put the entertainment industry on blast for a second. I used to be so disturbed as a “dark skin” woman for the comments those type of men would make about women who aren’t light skin. Or the huge bias towards light skin women. But I realized quick enough that it’s nothing wrong with me and those men are just extremely ignorant. I’m far from the stereotype that has been portrayed on black women and my boyfriend full acknowledges it and appericates it.
darcwonn1906
July 31, 2012 at 11:31 am
I had to put the music industry on blast. Lil Wayne as been on record for disliking dark skinned women (or talking down to them). But he as chocolate as a Hershey bar himself? What type of mess is that? I always had a hard time understanding the dislike for dark skin because I always loved my skin. Even when I was made fun of, I didn’t really care. Hell, I was black and beautiful as far as I was concerned.
Now? Its 2012. I have seen people from all ends of the Earth. If they can’t find the beauty in this blackness, I can’t help them. And no, I won’t call myself brown. I’m “black”. If people don’t understand, they need to understand the color theory. With that, they need to watch Hidden Colors. I’m just keeping it real. This black skin is God given greatness. Period.
Brandie Mccord
July 31, 2012 at 11:20 am
As usual, there isn’t one thing that I could add to make this article better – WELL WRITTEN!
One question though, could you expound on this statement; “We are one (if not the only) race that has internal male/female relationship issues.”……….I’d like to hear more of your thoughts on this point.
darcwonn1906
July 31, 2012 at 11:25 am
Have you ever noticed white people having these “white girls don’t love us” issues? Asians? Latin Americans? No. If they do, it isn’t talked about. True, interracial love is going on. Yet, is there any open in the media about their men and women being at odds? They could be at odds. But do we hear about it? Not really. If we do hear about it, it is only for a quick second.
BUT, it always seems to be OUR people at odds with each other. Doesn’t that reek of something much bigger? Or at least that people are working against us that isn’t in our house. People OUTSIDE our glass house are throwing bricks while we point fingers. Follow me?
Kenyatta Rodriguez
April 6, 2013 at 10:29 pm
Yep. Totally get it. When I was growing up dark girls were not popular at all. And as an adult it was still the same. I married outside of my race…it didn’t work out. It wasn’t a race issue. It was an integrity issue. I feel like if I was with a black man it would feel like I’m “home” but it seems highly unlikely at this point. But I never lose hope!
darcwonn1906
April 7, 2013 at 4:46 am
Oh, no. You should never lose hope. I just feel that people never truly work to understand the dynamics that racial beliefs, racism, and the like has caused for our relationships and our self love.
Brandie Mccord
July 31, 2012 at 11:30 am
Absolutely!
darcwonn1906
July 31, 2012 at 11:46 am
I’m glad you do.
But how many others pay attention to this? It makes me wonder sometimes. I just know that we, as a people, can’t keep feeding into these situations. We are either too negative of our own or too worried about how others view us. We need to start being more concerned with “doing” and start being less concerned with “outside appearances”.
truthseeker411
July 31, 2012 at 10:17 pm
Hats off to you my brotha!! Good post!
darcwonn1906
August 1, 2012 at 1:17 am
Many thanks onto you for reading my blog post!
diaryofanegress
August 2, 2012 at 1:58 pm
Good post!
I partially blame the media for telling these lies. Blacks overwhelmingly support blacks. In fact, most black men tend to want black women and vice versa. I advise most black people to turn off the tele. There’s an agenda in Hollywood to tear us asunder.
I don’t buy any of it.
darcwonn1906
August 2, 2012 at 2:22 pm
And my problem is this: I don’t buy into any of that foolishness either. Of course most black men want black women. I don’t care how crazy, unstable, or whatever adjective Black women are perceived to be, Black men (majority) love Black women. THAT is part of the reason why I wrote this blog: people need to stop buying into the mess and foolery the media works to feed us.
Just Jewel
August 2, 2012 at 4:38 pm
I’m so glad Truthseeker411 led me to your blog. I would just like to say thank you for posting this. It gets really discouraging out here for us black women. It’s about time a black man stood up for us and put all these stereotypes about us to rest.
darcwonn1906
August 2, 2012 at 5:27 pm
It is not a problem.
I am glad to serve my community in helping them dispel myths and understand the hardcore truth about our situations. I keep hearing about all of these “bad black women”. I see them on reality TV. I may see them in different “urban” situations. But, I can’t trust reality TV. I don’t always deal with “hood madness”. So, beyond all of the dramatic foolery we have a lot of regular, flawed, women whom deserve respect.
Just Jewel
August 2, 2012 at 6:43 pm
Agreed…
Nurse101
August 8, 2012 at 12:30 pm
I don’t know about anyone else, but I was thinking the sistah (in the first work of art) has the most banging figure of all of the ladies(all thick and curvy)…and isn’t that what the black men seek out first and foremost anyway…when they look to mate most black men are not checking for signs of a woman that is loyal, encouraging, and compassionate or “supportive”…IJS
darcwonn1906
August 8, 2012 at 12:54 pm
Nurse101, are you totally sure about all of which you speak?
You say that “black men seek out what appeal to their eyes first”. Yet, isn’t that how most attraction works anyway? I don’t think women look at a man first to say “Wow, I wonder how much of a provider he is?”. No. Initial attraction does not happen like that. Keyword: initial.
Second of all, if a man isn’t looking for a woman that is loyal, encouraging, compassionate, or supportive, you best believe they are not looking for someone to be around for a significant amount of time. If anything, that would drop the woman off to “booty call” status. You can’t even be around a man if you are just a “friend” or “family member” if you don’t possess those qualities.