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Blog Break: So, I Got Married!!!

Yeah, you heard it right: I got married.

On June 15, 2013, I married my lover and my best friend in Kathy Johnson. I know, I know: people say marriage isn’t what it used to be. This is true. Yet, it is everything that we make it. We can work together to make it work. Or, we can work against each other to make it falter.

I don’t know about all of you, but I would rather put in the effort to get something out of the situation.

To be honest, though, I am pretty relieved that it is all over. No more of Kathy staying up late at night. No more worrying about if my good ole groomsmen were going to pick up their tuxes. No more of being concerned about who I missed from the guest list. Everything came together and it all worked out.

In fact, I took away a few things from this past weekend:

1. I swear that I picked some of the best groomsmen ever. Everything fell into place and everyone got along. Then again, the majority of us were comedians in our own right.

2. The bridesmaids sure did make my groomsmen look good. Oh, and Kathy picked the right ones for the bridesmaids, too: comediennes of the century.

Bridesmaids 2: The Chocolate Version. Coming to River Oaks in Illinois and Camp Creek. Oh, and Montgomery.

3. Special shout out to the mother of my daughter: Shelisa Dial. I know I don’t really tell her enough how much she has helped me over the years. I could have sent it through a card. But, you know what? I rather say it through my blog. Thank you, Shelisa. Everything you have done means the world to me.

A million and one thanks!

4. We sure know how to party. Oh, boy!

5. My nephews did me proud on that day. They did what I expected them to: acted a fool. I’m always going to have stories about those two. Tear the club up, DJ Paul and Juicy J!!!

DJ Paul and Juicy J was in the building.

6. If you came out to enjoy my day with me, then I love you. If you didn’t, then I love you anyway. What is far is fair.

‘Nuff said and ‘Nuff respect!!!

14 Comments

Posted by darcwonn1906 on June 18, 2013 in behavior, communication, dating, desires, expectations, females, insecurities, judgments, life, love, male/female relations, perceptions, relationships, women

Tags: Bridesmaid, Groom, Groomsman, Illinois, Kathy Johnson, marriage, relationship, Wedding

Black People Should WANT To Support Black People – Plain Truth 74

13 Jun

Ice Cube represented pure truth on this track. Basically, it is about being “true to your people, your heritage, and yourself”. These images are something to understand. Just because you don’t want to associate with your race doesn’t automatically disallow you to experience the hardships. At the end of the day, all we got is us.

The problem comes when the “us” starts to tear “us” apart. THEN, what are we left with. A bigger mess.

Question:

I’m a woman who’s PROUD to be Black. I wouldn’t change it if I could. But when looking for a neighborhood to live in, I’d choose a predominantly White neighborhood over a predominantly Black one ANY day. When in need of a product or service, I choose to patronize businesses that are NOT Black Owned, and when attending a public event (such as a baseball game or festival), I’d prefer NOT to be seated in a section made up of only Black people. Am I a Self-Racist? I’m concerned NOW because my three teen-aged boys are starting to show signs of exhibiting this behavior, but I’m not sure that I, myself, am in a (mental) place to change it.

Answer:

I can’t call you a self-racist because you honestly don’t hate being Black. That isn’t your problem. Your problem is that your experiences have painted a bad picture for all of the Black people that you may deal with on a social and business level. What you may be experiencing is, if anything, a sort of stereotyping of your own people. You work not to deal with many Black people because, deep down, so many Black people may have disappointed you.

I need to find this book just for the sake of laughs.

Am I making what you feel “okay”? No, not hardly.

Am I realizing that what you feel is “real” to you? Absolutely.

You are so used to THIS, that THIS is the overall expectation.

Trust in the fact that I understand what you are going through. Your relationships with some Black men have left you utterly disappointed. Most of the trials and tribulations caused by you have been at the hands of Black people. Hell, even the Black businesses that you WANTED to support didn’t hold up to standard. In short, you have tried to be open hearted (even with open wallet) only to be let down again and again.

What is noticeably the sadder thing of it all is that ALL Black people aren’t like this and you know it. Yet, your experiences have been so traumatizing that you rather not take any more chances. So, making new experiences will be difficult. Then again, you don’t have to always feel this way. With some concentrated effort, your views can change (or at least soften).

Let us be real: you think people are going to act really stupid at a Sade concert?

But the bigger issue doesn’t have to do with you; the bigger issue has to do with your children. Your children need to be allowed to make their own decisions about how Black people operate. YOUR experiences may not be THEIR experiences. They need to live life for themselves and not by your influence. In the end, they have to determine what people are like and aren’t like.

I mean…..damn, we really need to ask such a question?

I have an idea that may help: when you get a chance, you all can take time to find just one Black business that you like. From there, you can deal with a group of Black people that you can feel good about being around. After that, you can see what is what. I know you have been burned in the past. But, don’t let people’s lack of humanity and business acumen scar the future for the others.

‘Nuff said and ‘Nuff respect!!!

2 Comments

Posted by darcwonn1906 on June 13, 2013 in behavior, brains, communication, dating, desires, emotional support, expectations, insecurities, judgments, life, love, male/female relations, perceptions, politics, relationships, women

Tags: African American, Black, Black people, Business, Dallas, Nuff, Race and ethnicity in the United States Census, racism

5 Things I am Tired of Hearing CCL 73

11 Jun

The art of conversation is an important aspect to life. Of course, people need to talk just for the sake of communication. But, that isn’t what I am referring to. Within conversation, you can truly see where a person’s head is at. Also, you can see where a person’s head is NOT. With that said, conversation is important because it helps you learn about the person you are talking to.

Yet, conversation comes with “the gift, and the curse”. The gift is that you learn how people think. The curse is that you learn how people think.

And no, not the Jay-Z album…….

The mentioning of this situation is tantamount to plenty of conflict. As you listen to them, you want to be as unbiased as possible. Yet, they don’t make it easy for you. As they talk on and on, they keep saying every little thing that makes you think “please stop eating mercury laced paint chips because it is affecting your thinking”. In the end, you feel bad for having the conversation: afterwards, you see them in a different light.

The reason all of this happens is due to the cliché, meaningless statements that people tend to say that you will find irritating if you aren’t part of the sheeple.

With that said, let me get into the 5 things that I am tired of hearing:

1.) Statements that allude to “the law of attraction”: I respect the fact that people want to get the most out of life. I get that. But at what point do we realize that we took something positive and made it ridiculous. Positive thinking does work wonders. But so does positive action.

Just keep reading…

I know where all of this came from, however. It is a simple phenomenon called pronoia, the belief that the universe is working in your favor [1]. Paranoid people, on contrast, believe the universe is working against them. Pronoia is nothing new since it has been used by the hippies in the 60’s and 70’s [2]. However, part of me wished it would have stayed there.

2.) Being of mixed heritage: People actually wear that mess like a badge of honor. Really? You actually thing that people CARE that you are of mixed heritage? I am happy that you are proud of knowing where your family comes from culturally. However, being of mixed heritage is not, and should not be, such a big deal.

Interesting……

What we, in America, has failed to realize is that MOST of us is of mixed heritage. Biologically speaking, we are all “mixed” [3]. We are all the product of a mixture of different “races”. In fact, race is just a social construct built around classification and (sometimes) dominance [4]. Thus, being of “mixed heritage” is as meaningful as saying “I use the bathroom in a toilet”.

3.) Homosexuality in the media: I have nothing against homosexuals. Hell, most of the time I think they are the bravest people in the world. However, it gets to a point where something is so overly done that it loses its luster. I respect those that fight for gay rights and I do respect Jason Collins for coming out. Yet, do we have to sensationalize their efforts all the time?

Be happy with who you are. But can we stop overdoing it?

It has gotten to the point where some homosexual people have become overly pushy with their agendas. Emma Sturtz has the nerve to interrupt Michelle Obama during a speech [5]. Had she been on the streets, Emma would have found a microphone shoved up her ass. Yet, she wanted to heckle her during a speech of grave importance to the FLOTUS for her own purposes [6]. Never a good look.

4.) The battle of the sexes: The tired ole adage of “Women are/are not…” and “Men are/are not…” is another tired concept of annoying proportions. We NEVER respect each other’s fundamental differences. Nor do we relinquish our unrealistic expectations of each other. Sometimes, I think some ladies should stop looking for a baller that looks like Channing Tatum and whisks her away on trips all the time. Then again, I get tired of many men thinking every woman should look like Halle Barry, give head like Karrine Stephans, and cook like Rachel Ray.

Save that battle for board games like this

5.) Post racial societal mentality: When will people just wake up and realize that “racism is still alive” and “race matters”. I’m not saying that race SHOULD matter. I’m just saying it does. We are NOT, and NEVER WILL BE ANY TIME SOON, witnessing a post racial society. If you want more deliberation on this, you can check my older posts on Black History Month and other racial issues.

Until we make it NOT matter…..

‘Nuff said and ‘Nuff respect!!!

4 Comments

Posted by darcwonn1906 on June 11, 2013 in behavior, communication, dating, expectations, insecurities, love, male/female relations, perceptions, relationships, women

Tags: battle of the sexes, Black History Month, Channing Tatum, Emma Sturtz, Homosexuality, Jason Collins, law of attraction, Michelle Obama, Multiracial, post racial society, pronoia, Race-Ethnic-Religious Relations, The Secret, United States

Love Equals Respect in Relationships – Plain Truth 73

09 Jun

This song deeply represents on the topic of respect. Most know of the Aretha Franklin version. However, Otis Redding has his own version for the males. This track makes sure, beyond all, that he gets respect when he gets home. As much as he adores her, respect should be a simple situation.

However, for some relationships respect is something taken for granted.

Question:

So, I’m on a break from dating a guy for the second time. It’s because he wants time to himself. I am okay with that. Yet, when I ask him why, he thinks I’m asking too many questions. With that said, I was wondering how long should i wait for him?

Answer:

I say you have the right to drop him whenever you feel the need to. That could be in the next few weeks. Hell, it could be in the next few hours. You are not legally bonded to “waiting on his return”. Nor should you feel obligated to him in this situation. Thus, whenever you feel the need to leave him high and dry is when you will leave him drying in the sun like fresh linen.

Personally, I don’t think he honestly shows you the appreciation he should show you. As a man, he should give you a worthy explanation for why he wants to take a break. There should not be any answers making a reference to “you are asking too many questions”. You aren’t asking too many questions when you are concerned about YOUR relationship. Thus, you can’t appreciate someone by withholding valuable information.

The bigger issue is this: he doesn’t fully respect you. He may SAY that he loves you. But if he TRULY loved you and cared, he would tell you. Plus, he wouldn’t try to avoid answering such a necessary question. So if he can’t at least answer your question as to WHY, then you may need to leave him alone.

Don’t believe me, just watch…..

At the end of the day, you need to either demand your respect or respect the fact that he doesn’t respect you. If he responds by showing you your due diligence, then that is fine. However, if he can’t show you the respect you should get, then you can always walk away in some respectable walking shoes. Having a relationship nowadays is work enough. It makes no sense to be deprived of a main component of ANY TYPE of relationship: respect.

‘Nuff said and ‘Nuff respect!!!

4 Comments

Posted by darcwonn1906 on June 9, 2013 in behavior, communication, dating, desires, expectations, females, insecurities, judgments, life, love, male/female relations, perceptions, relationships, women

Tags: Advice, Aretha Franklin, Nuff, Otis Redding, Plain Truth, Question, Recreation, relationship

Stop Trying to Free Those That Must Free Themselves – Plain Truth 72

06 Jun

I know, I know: Mr. MFN eXquire is an acquired taste. However, he is relating some real truth as he waxes poetic. He communicates the issue of “chains” as the bondage that many people live within. Some of those “chains” are personal while others are interpersonal. What does remain that many people live with proverbial “chains” holding them down and resisting their ability to live happy lives.

Question:

I have been having a lot of anxiety around my relationship and I am having difficulty determining if I am causing it myself or if there is some basis to it.

It is a fairly new relationship, but we became very serious pretty quickly. Prior to our relationship he had very recently gotten out of a long term relationship that ended badly (about a month before we met). A few weeks ago, out of nowhere he brought up a conversation about thinking that maybe he shouldn’t be in a relationship because he still got really angry about what his ex-girlfriend did. He felt it wasn’t fair to put me through that. We talked for a while about it and decided to stay together because we love each other and we would work through it together. But now I feel like I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Thus, I am wondering: how do I approach it? I think we could have a really great future. Yet, I still wonder how can I help him move through this?

Answer:

He obviously has more issues than a Jet magazine subscription. Luckily, he recognizes this and doesn’t want to take you through all of the drama. I know that it seems he is being selfish. In fact he is. However, he can’t do anything for you when he still have these “chains” holding him back. So, in order to be free with you, he must unshackle himself from the slavery of the past failed relationship.

You got me yet? Good.

You don’t have to be Kal-El to break those chains….

Sometimes, men take a headstrong approach when they have issues to work out. With men, they try to make sure they don’t have any of that foolishness coming up because they don’t want to paint their present with the tainted paint of the past. You aren’t tripping. He is quite uncertain. It is him. It isn’t exactly you unless you did something.

The main thing you can do is this: just be there for him.

Degrasse Tyson will show you all what freedom looks like!

HE has to come to terms with what he has. He also has to come to terms with his past. That past that is holding him back is the same present that is hampering his love for you. Once he breaks those chains and toss them in the bonfire of life, then he can get back focused on loving you. And when he can love you with all that he has, you won’t ever have to worry about any of you two ever being enslaved by the chains of an unchanging past.

‘Nuff said and ‘Nuff respect!!!

2 Comments

Posted by darcwonn1906 on June 6, 2013 in behavior, communication, dating, expectations, insecurities, love, male/female relations, perceptions, relationships, women

Tags: Advice, Health, Interpersonal relationship, Man, mental health, Plain Truth, relationship, Self-Help

Hope is Killing Your Life As You KNOW IT – CCL 72

04 Jun

The way we, as people, think and act tends to sadden me. Some of us believe in things that we shouldn’t even waste time on. Yet, we keep it moving in HOPE to actually succeed with our beliefs. Sometimes, our HOPES and dreams do come true. However, in many cases, things just don’t materialize. In the end, I’m saddened by the sheer displaced HOPE for something that, more than likely, won’t occur.

The Power of HOPE is REAL!!! Well, until Black Adam comes and whoops your ass.

A lot of the problems deal with one word: idealism. Idealism can be defined as the cherishing or pursuit of high or noble principles, purposes, goals, etc; it can also be defined as the tendency to represent things in an ideal form, or as they might or should be rather than as they are, with emphasis on values [1]. By definition, idealism is great for us. It allows us to work to make life into what we desire by adjusting rules and regulations to fit our desires [2]. In play, idealism is great within the right frame of reference.

It is when IDEALISM clashes with REALISM that causes the problem. Still, the underlying factor in all of this is HOPE.

I HOPE he did the right thing there….

Thus, I have to frame my chocolate covered lie to make sense to the world: hope is all we need to succeed.

The Beauty of Having Hope

What makes hope work is that, in the end of it all, people will believe in the “greater and not the lesser”. We see it all the time: in religion, in infomercials and even in literature and motivational speeches. Your reverend/priest/local collection plate pusher works to give you hope every Sunday (Saturday for 7^th Day Adventists). Tyler Perry sells more hope than he sells Madea in grandma stockings and incorrect English. At the end of the day, hope is equal to sex in at least one respect: it sells.

Where Hope Turns Into Haplessness

Yet, just because it sells doesn’t mean it is going to help you out in life. Cigarettes sell plenty. Also, Dr. Dre’s headphones are making him millions. In addition, people play the Powerball lottery knowing their chances of winning are 1 in 175,223,510 [3]. In short, the selling of hope can be like the selling of dope: profitable and at times not helping much.

Expensive ass headphones are top sellers. We are in trouble.

But, I digress.

The problem with all of these ideals entrenched with the “hope factor” is, as usual, people take things way too far. What usually happens is this: people trade “realism” for “idealism”. In fact, they think that they can “change the world” if they “think a certain way”.

Top selling book full of good ideas marred by silliness.

The biggest example of “idealism run amok” through “hope’s rose colored lens” is The Secret. You know, the tome that expresses “mind over matter” and “your thinking creates your universe”? That is the book that I am referring to. While I do agree that thoughts are powerful, I’m not quite sold on the “thoughts manipulating the material world around you” stuff. Quite frankly, The Secret uses good ideas (law of attraction, positive thinking, hope) just to take them much further than they should.

Examples:

A.) Allowing “positive thinking” to be the factor in actually having a relationship (oage 114) is a dangerous thing. Relationships are a two way street. Positive thinking doesn’t always cross those avenues.

B.) Telling people that “disease can’t live in the body if it is in a healthy emotional state” is tantamount to madness (page 130). Wouldn’t the more practical thing be get some medicine, get some rest, and take their time? I understand that the mind DOES affect the body. However, statements like the above are a guaranteed slap in the face.

C.) Jack Canfield had the nerve to say “The anti-drug movement has actually created more drugs. Because we’re focusing on what we don’t want—drugs!” (page 142). No, sir. Drugs are not the direct creation of our focused energy. Talking about drugs, and being focused on their eradication, has no correlative/coordinative relationship with the existence of drugs. Can we stop with the madness?

The Skinny

Hope is a great thing to have. However, do not constantly trade your ideals for reality. Your ideals have to coincide with reality. If not, then you will start ignoring what is right in front of you: the world. With hope, a person should wish for what they want and realistically make those things happen.

‘Nuff said and ‘Nuff respect!!!

10 Comments

Posted by darcwonn1906 on June 4, 2013 in behavior, Bible, communication, dating, desires, expectations, friendships, insecurities, judgments, life, love, male/female relations, perceptions, relationships, women

Tags: Dr. Dre, hope, Idealism, Jack Canfield, Madea, Philosophical realism, Powerball, Realism, Secret, Tyler Perry

Please Want Better For Yourself – Plain Truth 71

02 Jun

All feminine activities and foolishness aside, Marvin’s Room by Drake does explain how some people feel when they lose the ones they love. I don’t approve of the haterism and jealousy. However, I do admire the will to admit the feelings that do still exist. Drake actually gets honest with himself by explaining “she could do better”. With this, we see the complexity of relationships and expectations.

However, just because “she can do better” doesn’t mean that she even realizes, or wants, to “do better”.

Question:

Okay, so I and my baby daddy were together for like 7 years. He is my world, but on the other hand he started to talk to this other female. They started messing around hard. Next thing you know, they started going together. During that time I and he were still having sex. Now I am pregnant. Yet, she is pregnant too.

Through it all, he says he still have love for me. However, he told me he is scared to tell me how he really feels. I guess he thinks that I am going to hurt him. But I’ll never hurt nor harm him for anything in the world. Where am I messing up at?

Answer:

Wow.

Okay, let me drink something before I even begin to address this situation.

Even Supes had to sip after reading this….

Now that I’m done drinking, I think that you need to work a little more at respecting yourself. Don’t take this the wrong way, but you have just lowered your market value to “accessible piece of ass”.

If you haven’t already figured out, then you must understand that he isn’t really that healthy for you. For one thing, he is reckless. He already has children by you, but he gets another girlfriend just to have unprotected sex with you on the side? That doesn’t sound like wise behavior. Also, he has a lack of respect for you and the children you both have. He is already a “baby daddy”, and now he wants to invite another party into his life (and pockets) that he isn’t sure he wants around?

Stay thirsty, chick. Incorrect grammar and all.

Yet, the bigger issue is this: you have a thirst for being wanted. There, I said it: you are acting like one of these thirsty females that be on Instagram posing for props. Why would you want to deal with someone that holds little regard for you, your relationship, or the children you have together? He is inviting drama to your household. You, on the other hand, would rather play “TV viewer” to the self-made reality show that is about to occur.

Reality TV – making all of our fuck shit fantasies come true.

He isn’t Shawty Lo and you need to stop acting like you are one of his trollops.

In the end, you have to expect better for yourself. You are supposed to be a respectable lady that is a mother. Instead, you want to treat yourself like someone’s prized side piece of ass. If he wanted to be with your, he wouldn’t be with her. Yet, you fell for the game anyway. In short, move on from him and make sure he takes care of his kids.

‘Nuff said and ‘Nuff respect!!!